Toby Akers
Toby passed away on January 12th, 2023
Although a small part of our hearts are broken, the rest of our hearts are filled with enormous gratitude for having Mom in our lives. Since Mom fell ill I have heard from so many people, some I have known for decades and some I never met, but all of them speak about how kind and loving Mom was, how much joy she brought to all our lives and how much we will miss her.
My Mom was an angel, a warrior and a super hero. She was an incredible Mother, Grandma, Mother in Law, Cat gramma, family member and friend. She was extremely bright, kind, caring, friendly, funny & loyal. She was beautiful inside and out, passionate, determined & successful.
She was a businesswoman, educator, investor and always strived for the best in everything she did.
Until the end Mom was a fighter. My family and I and her friends have all been extremely lucky and grateful to have her in our life.
Family
Mom raised me so well, she taught me the value and importance of hard work, treating people right and respecting women. She was an amazing grandmother and loved my daughter Alex with all her heart. Her favorite person in the history of her life is my wife Patty. My wife lost her parents many years ago and the connection that Mom and Patty built was a beautiful thing. She was a great catgramma, at one point Alex was going to England and her cat had to be quarantined. A cat was the last thing on earth Mom needed but she took the cat for 6 months and we were all thankful forever.
Later in life Mom was a caregiver for her husband Mel, taking on this role was another chapter in how wonderful Mom was. She did everything for Mel in a respectful way and allowed him to live his life with dignity. Mom also met her caregivers group at this time. It was a group of people who became her rock, her support system and her family based on the bond that was created. They all speak of how important Mom was to them and how much she added to their group, but Mom was equally lucky to have this amazing group of people at such a difficult time in her life.
Love
Mom was raised in Brooklyn, NY, her parents owned a fruit and vegetable market. Both her parents passed away when she was a young teen, her brother (Shelly) and sister (Phyllis) were instrumental in raising her. If there is a bright spot today it is the thought of her family being reunited.
The family next door, The Genco’s, also became family when her parents passed and always remained a big part of her life.
Mom was very kind and friendly and always had many close friends and a large social circle yet she always made everybody feel like her sister/ best friend.
Activities
Mom was very bright, she loved to read and write. She wrote poetry and kept a journal of her life activities. She was very helpful to anyone in need and was very generous with her loved ones.
Mom loved to dance and was an award winning dancer in her youth. She was athletic and always supported my love of sports, she was not a fan of The Dolphins but would often indulge me with photos if I asked. She had 3 husbands, both Peter and Mel passed away. My dad, Martin always loved Mom and never replaced her.
Share your thoughts
Feel free to share your thoughts and prayers for Toby Akers below.
I remember the first day Toby joined our group at Ruth Rales Center. WE were together for many many years She and her wisdom will be missed by the group.
Wanted to post the following poem that Toby shared with me.
CHANGES:
by Toby Akers as told to Billie Golden
I FEEL IT IN MY BONES SOMETIMES INSIDE MY HEAD, CHANGE IS COMING
NOTHING THAT I DREAD.
THE FEELING IS DEEP INSIDE, DON’T KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE
ONLY KNOW IT’S BETTER, THE DOOR OPENS WITHOUT A KEY.
THE SUN IS SHINING, THE SKIES ABOVE ME
I DON’T WORRY NOR HAVE A CARE.
SOMEONE IS WATCHING OVER ME, I FELT IT ALL MY LIFE
SOMEONE ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF ME EVERYTHING COMES OUT RIGHT.
IT’S NEVER QUITE BEEN EASY, BUT NEVER BEEN TO HARD,
I TOOK CARE OF MATTERS WHENVER I NEEDED, NEVER LET THEM GO TO FAR.
I LOOK UP AT THE SKY, A SMILE COMES TO MY FACE,
I HAVE A FUTURE OUT THERE..THAT WILL BE MY FATE
THE SKY IS BLUE, IT’ S CLOUDLESS EVERYWHERE
THE SUNS RAYS SPREADOUT “CHANGE IS EVERYWHERE”
I never knew you sweet Toby but I know your son as a wonderful caring neighbor – our children are the beautiful spiritual extension of our mothers – your spirit radiates through him – I never knew you Toby but I felt I’ve known you through Jeff and Patty – I know that your journey home will be a beautiful journey as you will be reunited with all your family & I know that spirits never pass and that your beautiful soul will be connected to your beautiful son for eternity 💝💝
It’s difficult to find the right words to express what Tobe meant to me. We met in the caregivers group as we were both taking care of our husbands so we bonded and got to know each other. Covid hit and we were isolated but after more than a year, our group started meeting on zoom. My husband had passed away and the only people that I saw besides my daughter and son-in-law were my friends on our zoom meetings which helped a great deal. At a certain point we caregivers started socializing outside of our zoom meetings and that was when I really got to know Toby very well. What a dynamic woman, so loving and caring towards everyone she knew. At one time we made plans to get together so I could teach her how to crochet but life got in the way as she was so busy doing for others, she didn’t have time for herself. Whenever we were together she would tell me stories about her family, her life, the places she lived and the jobs she held. She radiated joy in the telling and I was happy to be with her. She wanted me to come over to see her condo and took great delight in her descriptions. We looked forward to seeing each other when she got home.
She was caring, loving and kind, vivacious, funny, and beautiful inside and out. She told me to be brave and I will try for her. I am a better person because Toby was my friend and I miss her